I remember as a young child in my catholic Sunday school, that there were prayers I needed to memorize.  At some point you would be tested on these prayers by reciting them out loud to a teacher.  For someone like me who is quiet and a slow learner, this was quite scary for me to have to do.  

Can you image being scared to “pray” because you didn’t memorize what to pray? 

It sounds rather silly and it is, because it certainly is not how God intended us to communicate with Him. 

When I first truly came to Christ and started studying my Bible, I learned about Job for the first time in my late twenties. I was amazed with the way he spoke to God, because he was raw with sharing all his feeling and thoughts.   

It made me realize how much God truly wants to hear from me, Kristin. He doesn’t want to hear words that I memorized, but He wants to hear my mouth speaking the overflow of what’s going on in my heart. That could be my struggles, my joy, my thankfulness, my fears, my anxieties, my annoyances; he wants to hear my prayers where I don’t even have words to express my frustrations. Prayers where I can do nothing but grunt and tell God, “I don’t know, but I’m just confused and frustrated. I don’t have the words to express….ughhh!!!”  Sometimes this literally is my prayer.  I’m thankful that He allows us to pray even these things to Him, because sometimes that’s all I have, and I’m thankful he’ll take it.  

I guess I have found this to be such a blessing to ponder on because, in the past few years I’ve struggled with the way God has made me — quiet and slow to speak; but once I have formulated my thoughts on a matter, I’m very direct and to the point. I’ve been easily misunderstood in trying to speak up, but also misunderstood in keeping quiet. 

My directness has been misconstrued to be insensitive or not gentle enough, but on the other hand some have found my quietness to be refreshing and my directness to be very helpful.  

Sometimes when we show our true selves to people, the good and the bad,  its not enough for them, or on the flip side, have been told that you’re too much to handle. And of course there will be times when people can’t relate to a word that you’re saying, and you may receive the classic eye roll.  It all depends on who you’re talking to, right? 

I’ve found it exhausting to find this balance of being myself, while also trying to help others feel loved and comfortable with me, by stepping outside of my comfort zone. 

For me, communicating effectively with humans is never any small feat. We are all vastly different and sometimes those differences makes it complicated to express ourselves, without compromising the truth.

I understand that its important to be gracious, but its equally important to share the hard truths, and not pass up the opportunity when we have it. And even though graciousness does not come naturally to me I still desire to be able to deliver my direct and honest messages, with words seasoned with salt that build others up (Col. 4:6).  Clearly I’m not perfect at it, but By God’s encouragement I continue to keep trying; and I especially keep praying that God would help me not to grow weary in my efforts.  I desire this because its important, and it’s what Jesus did.  

Being a quiet person, I observe a lot. And in observing others I’ve found that there are only a few people in my life who can do this well — being both gracious and direct.  When my confidence wasn’t yet grounded in Christ, I grew envious of two of my well-spoken, brothers in Christ. From there, I became angry at God and how He’s specifically made me. With these exact words, I furiously asked God “why did you make me this way!?” — as if He had absolutely no idea what He was doing.  

It took God Himself to directly rebuke me for the low thoughts I had of myself. The very next day He led me to read Romans 9:20, which says “Who are you a mere human being to talk back to God. Shall what is formed say to The One who formed it, why have you made me this way?” Due to the healthy fear of God in my life, it was quite scary for me to realize that I was  ‘talking back’ to God.   

Out of this rebuke, came good fruit. He made me realize that the God of the whole universe, the creation of all things on the earth and everything in it, made me a certain and unique way for Himself (Col. 1:16).  I’ve slowly been learning to be at peace with that, while also being sanctified into a new creation.  

My complications with other deeply flawed human beings, compels me to genuinely appreciate my communication with a perfect God.

It’s different when speaking to Jesus, because He is a God who is the same forever and always.  

He.never.changes.  

He’s always patient, always kind, always loving. He’s always long suffering, good, and constantly faithful to me.  

I’ve found much joy in my heart pondering on the fact that He will never leave me or forsake me even when I get excited sharing my strong convictions or undeveloped thoughts that I’m still attempting to process.  My prayers are an intimate time with my Heavenly Father; and it makes me feel humble but also special, that the God of the universe wants to hear my thoughts by speaking as the very unique, very direct, very honest, and sometimes very bold, ordinary-person that God has made me.  

Even in my imperfections, which He is in the process of perfecting, I’m never too much for God or to little for Him.  He fully understands me and fully accepts me, yet will not leave me as I am. He will mold me more into His Image, just as The Potter does with His clay (Jeremiah 18:6). 

I don’t need to pray with a filter of gentleness to say a hard truth, because He’s not oversensitive.  I don’t need to pretend like I have it all figured out, because He knows I’m as confused as ever without His wisdom.  I don’t need to wait for the right timing to say it, because anytime is the right time to talk to God.  He tells us to pray without ceasing, so I try my best to do that.  

He wants me to say exactly what’s on my mind and heart no matter how good, bad, or lost I am in my feelings, because whatever it is that is being poured out, is real and it’s honest.  Honest tears, Honest anger, honest fear, honest confusion, honest joy. 

And further more… 

I don’t need to pray like a catholic or charismatically.  Or pray to sound super spiritual. I don’t need to pray and talk like anyone else, but myself.   

I can pray the way God made me, and he prefers it that way. 

For me, my prayers are not always filled with formal words or scripture, and that’s more than ok. 

Sometimes overhearing other people’s prayers might make you think that you need to pray like them, simply because they ‘sound really good’.  

If you’re not speaking from the heart, than its not a prayer God would honor.  Pray the way God made you to uniquely string together words into sentences in the exact way you would normally express it, when talking to your Heavenly Father. 

It’s the prayers that are prayed from the overflow of an honest heart that God hears.  

What’s funny is, when I have prayed the way God made me, I’ve realized I’ve prayed some very biblical prayers and have prayed scripture without even realizing it in the midst of my prayer. It will be later on He reveals to me that my prayers have lined up with some biblical principle or an actual scripture.  

I realize that when I speak to God by expressing myself the very way He wired me, that my words are more than just me praying scriptures, but it’s my words inspired by the Holy Spirt. I believe God reveals this to me because it encourages me to know that my prayers are in-line with the heart of God. 

It’s as if, I can directly see how the Holy Spirit is working through me when I let myself be completely me, rather than trying to pray like someone else.  

In saying all this, I’m not saying praying scripture is bad by any means. Praying scripture is great, and I do it intentionally at times too! I’m just saying that when you pray, be you and make it your own. God doesn’t just honor the prayer, but also the authenticity. 

Even when I have been at a loss for words, I can come to Him and even be authentically silent, because I confidently know that He sees my heart.  He sees the words that only my heart can express through sobbing tears and devastating moments that steal the words from out my mouth.   

I can be authentically weak, authentically afraid, authentically hurt, authentically angry, authentically confused before my God and my Heavenly Father.  

Imperfect words or no words at all, He understands my weaknesses and thoroughly knows me, like no one else does;  and that encourages me to come confidently to the throne of grace to receive mercy and find grace to help in the time of my need (Hebrews 4:16).  

Unlike imperfect-flawed-humans, He always responds, with loving encouragement or a loving rebuke, always patient, always kind…always perfectly.   

He’s an amazing Heavenly Father, and there is none like Him.