I don’t know if its kinda weird to compare my engagement-ring purchase as a-carnal-person-experience of my previous marriage, to my engagement-ring purchase as a-new-creation-in-Christ-experience of my re-marriage. But I have thought about it several times throughout the years. I’ve never wrote down any thoughts about it, but looking at all these journal entries, I can’t help but jot down my thoughts I’ve had throughout these past four and half years.
As a new creation in Christ, when I thought about an engagement ring, I remember thinking that I didn’t want a diamond. I just wanted something I thought was pretty, even if that meant the ring had some color.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a diamond ring for an engagement ring, or for any piece of jewelry for that matter. The fact of the matter is, diamonds are pretty and delightful to the eye! But for me personally, part of the reason I didn’t want a diamond was because of what it represented to me in the past. It reminded me of my past relationship and my desire of material things.
As an carnal and ungodly person, I let my striving for a certain desired appearance be what dictated my decision of the ring that I wanted, and so I ended up with a diamond. Instead of getting something that I Kristin liked, I got what our culture influences most people to desire, in order to keep-up with appearances of what I thought was traditionally luxurious.
The truth is, as a teenager I thought having an engagement ring that had some color to it would be fun and different. However, my personal taste and opinion, was not what dictated my ring selection, when it came time to actually get married. I became closed to the idea of having anything but a diamond ring, because I liked what a diamond would represent. Luxury. Expensive. Pricey. It also has the most glamorous glimmer, which ultimately meant to me, the most eye-catching.
So that’s what I decided I wanted…a diamond. And I hoped that it would be a pretty decent size to show my friends. (Blah, I can hardly stand hearing my old self. God had a lot of mercy and patience, lol)
Having a decent sized diamond gave the appearance that we can afford that kind of stuff. Appearances to me were very important. Of course I wanted to legitimately have the money, but when I look back at all this I realize it was the appearance that mattered most to me.
In addition to appearances, I unconsciously yet also knowingly, tied my value to the price of that ring. It meant something to me that my ex would spend a large amount of money on me, as if it was going to fill some gap that was missing.
And what I mean by “large amount of money”, is that it would be an expensive amount for your average, but well-off middle class person. I’m not crazy rich and never have been. I’ve never owned anything from Louis Vuitton, Versace, Chanel etc. I was more of your Coach, Michael Kors or Kate Spade kind-of-girl. They are usually the brands that are well known and cost a pretty penny, but they don’t break the bank. Women know that, and that was the appearance I was going for.
Anyways.
In the end, I got just what I wanted — a very beautiful diamond stone, set into a very eye catching design.
Although, that ring really was beautiful and drew in many compliments, it did not reflect a beautiful marriage.
As a new creation in Christ, my distaste for a diamond ring, stood out like a huge elephant in my heart. At first I didn’t understand it. Why wouldn’t I want a diamond? I mean, they really are stunning to look at and beautiful. What’s not to love about it, and what’s not to be desired about it?
Well, what wasn’t desired about it, was all of the thoughts it stirred up my mind, when I would think ‘diamond ring’. It made me think of my past attitudes and the influence of our culture and fashion on my life. It wasn’t something I wanted to be reminded of on a daily basis, when I would look down at my hands and see my future engagement ring.
There was a lot more I wanted this ring to say to me, and a lot more things I wanted to think about other than my past.
By the grace of God, all of the vanity that I had within my heart, was being worked out of me.
There was no way I would request for Jared to buy me a diamond engagement ring. I had no peace in this thought.
Because my value was not tied to the appearance of money anymore, the cost of the ring no longer mattered. Because my ties to cultural influence had been broken, I no longer wanted what was traditionally luxurious.
I felt the freedom to actually get something that was a little different, yet still so beautiful in my opinion.
If it didn’t look pretty to other people, oh well. If it didn’t give a specific appearance because it wasn’t a diamond ring, oh well. Maybe people even thought I couldn’t afford a diamond and maybe that’s why I didn’t get one, that was ok too! I was ok with all these misconstrued thoughts people might have because it wasn’t a diamond. I was ok with it because I wasn’t choosing this ring out of a vain heart, but out of heart that has been humbled by God.
So although this ring was chosen as a sign of our marriage, it also represents all the freedoms I’m finding in Christ.
Jared and I walk hand-in-hand making our journey home as we live in this world together as one flesh.
When we look at that ring we ponder of all the ways God has blessed our ring selection and the story of how we feel he has guided us in it.
You’ll see His guidance and blessing in some of these journal entries.
I hope you are encouraged to see that God cares about every detail of your life — even our decision and more importantly our heart, in choosing a wedding ring!
Note:
As I was going through more of my journal entries, I realized there were some entries I found that should have been listed under the “Friendship to dating/courting”. For the sake of not having to go back and filter through, those missing entries are over here. I will put everything in the correct chronological order at a later date.
Prayed for another confirmation and got it
Jared's Entry
February 18, 2017
I even thought in the back of my mind this morning, that I have had one 12.83 total when checking out somewhere with her which was amazing, and thought wow that so impossible yet I feel like God could do that impossible again if He wanted to keep confirming to me.
I was at her house before going to meet her dad for the first time for dinner but felt bad that I hadn’t shaved. I asked if she wanted to run to the store with me to get a shaving razor and we did.
Recently we had discussed some expectations of each other and of life moving forward, and if the Lord wills, in marriage. We concluded that in every area (time and intimacy, children, where to live, jobs and careers, money and finances, etc) that we are not only very much like minded but also want to bring God glory in every area of our lives. I was excited about all of this but was also a little concerned to be having such conversations if the Lord does not will that we continue. We had literally just finished some conversations about money and finances where she said she would trust my leading, I was so amazed at her trust in what God is doing in my heart.
We got the the store, I searched through about 4 or 5 options then landed on a two pack of razors and said “this is the one”. At the register I looked for a pack of gum but K reminded me I had just bought one the other day, so I didn’t get any more. The cashier asked if I had a loyalty card, I said I did. We tried to add this but it failed the first time, I wasn’t that worried about it but she insisted in trying again. It worked the second time and gave me $2 off to. Ring the total exactly to 12.83
Miracles - New Bed
Kristin's Entry
March 5, 2017
Today me and J looked at rings. I have been very hesitant to bring this subject up. I was really nervous to do so because I just wasn’t sure if he was even thinking about this or not. He told me that he has been thinking of it and wanted to see what I was thinking. Even after him telling me this, I was still nervous, but I ended up showing him.
After some time of looking at pictures, J wondered what the Bible said about rings 
. There were a few scriptures but the one that stuck out to him was this: His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl: his belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires. Songs of Solomon 5:14
Me and J were putting together his new bed and there was a 528 with a four digit number on one of the bed parts. I decided to look up that 4 digit number because of what happened with the miracle of the spreadsheet that populated a “528” (5/28 is Jared’s birthday). When I looked up the 4-digit number, 1550, I discovered that the Strong’s number for the word “rings” referred to the same scripture that J read in Solomon 5:14!!
We were both in shock. I sat there in J’s arms in disbelief and absolute joy from God speaking to us and sending confirmations that we are on the right path and in His will, in regards to talking about rings, which ultimately means moving forward in our relationship.
I feel like this was an answer to prayer for me in several ways. I’ve been wondering if it was a ridiculous request of asking J to buy a new bed. If we would ever marry I think I would feel quite discouraged to ever be intimate with him in the bed that he owned with his ex. Was I being stupid and making him waste money? I know that not everyone has money to just buy a new bed, so maybe I should just suck it up and fight to put it out of my mind.
Even the changes with the house, I ultimately would like a whole new house because J’s house is the house that he lived in with his ex, living such an ungodly life. I hate when thoughts come to my mind about how she sat in this exact chair, or laid here-or-there and so-on-and-so-forth. It’s the same old house with the same decorations, but a different person filling the space. I figured, at least if I can paint and make everything look completely different it would be like a new created house….kinda.
Getting this sticker, on the bed of all things, was an answer to prayer because I feel like God is saying, it’s ok that I want everything to be like-new because WE are new. This WHOLE LIFE is new.
And anything that reminds us of the past has got to go! Now that I think about it, the house stuff completely lines up with everything else me and J had struggled with in past months, like the pictures on social media. I know God wanted those gone and I think this is exactly the same. All past things need to go, because of the memories or thoughts they can produce in our minds.
Kristin’s Additional Notes 10/6/2022
Talk about God making everything new!! We have moved to several “new” states, with a “new” tiny house and now a “new” regular house (all used actually, but new to us!); new jobs, new cars, new friends, “new” furniture. He sure has made our whole lives bran.spankan’.new!!
For more of our moving journey, click here!
828 and Wedding Devotion
March 7, 2017
For a moment I was struggling with J’s past and then I started struggling with things about my past. I prayed God would help me to focus on Him and not either of our past lives. After praying, I then decided that I need to read my devotions for the day.
One devotional was all about Romans 8:28, and the other was about marriage. What timing to read both of these!!
A King
Kristin's entry
March 16, 2017
Deuteronomy 17:14-20 NIVWhen you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you and have taken possession of it and settled in it, and you say, “Let us set a king over us like all the nations around us,” [15] be sure to appoint over you a king the Lord your God chooses. He must be from among your fellow Israelites. Do not place a foreigner over you, one who is not an Israelite. [16] The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself or make the people return to Egypt to get more of them, for the Lord has told you, “You are not to go back that way again.” [17] He must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray. He must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold. [18] When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the Levitical priests. [19] It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the Lord his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees [20] and not consider himself better than his fellow Israelites and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants will reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel.
- What God expects out of a king, He also expects in a husband. The king and his people should be equally yoked, just like a marriage.
- The husband is the head and leader of the house hold just like how a king is the head of a kingdom
- The king should be deep into God’s Word and read His Word all the days of his life, just as a husband should be in order to be an effective spiritual leader for his family.
- He should hold loosely to material things like silver and gold, just as a husband should hold loosely to material possessions.
- It’s ok for the Israelites to desire a king, but their reason for the desire is not ok. They wanted a king to be like everyone else. God’s people should never want to be like everyone else. This is similar in Corinthians. Paul says, it is better not to marry, but it’s also not wrong to have that desire. It’s better not to marry because there are less problems when you are single. If you must marry God will honor this and it is not a sin.
- Just like the Israelites had trouble with their king, married couple will too.
1 Corinthians 7:28 NIVBut if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
1 Corinthians 7:32-38 NIVI would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. [33] But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— [34] and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. [35] I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. [36] If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. [37] But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. [38] So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.
1 Samuel 7 and 8
Kristin's Entry
March 16, 2017
Two days in a row I came across 1 Samuel 8 in different devotions. Both devotions were saying that sometimes God isn’t answering your prayer, he’s just giving you what you want because he has abandoned you.
What could this mean for me? I think I definitely need to slow down on this marriage stuff and discern this. I don’t want God to just give me what I want, but to be in His will.
I know this week I have been very distracted with online shopping for wedding stuff. I think I need to stop this and be patient.
Additional Notes 10/5/2022
Any struggles I had with Jared because of my over emotional feelings or a particularly hard situation, always made me completely surrender our relationship to God. Also, this entry about something in scripture would make me again surrender our relationship, slow down and discern. Even looking back at this entry today, I’m like, “whoa did I do the right thing!?” lol!!!! But in all seriousness I know that, I know that I know that I did. God confirms it all in an amazing way…keep reading, and you’ll see too! (Hint: 128! if you’ve seen the video)
I really think God was using this to help me to learn to slow down and listen for His guidance and to be at the pace God wanted me to be, so His perfect timing would play out.
He’s done this in our moving story, where we know He is guiding and confirming, guiding and confirming. But then something comes up that seems to completely contradict all the steps that we have taken or all the confirmations we have seen. It then comes down to this question: when we see something that contradictions what we believe is God’s personal speaking voice that we say we are so very very sure about, will we still believe? If we are being swayed so easily, were we ever really sure to begin with?
I like how Jared has thought about it, and now I think of a lot of things this way too…If I don’t do this, will I feel like I’m sinning against God? When we left WV, it felt like that. And this last house that we bought, it also felt like that. We begin to become so confident that God told us some type of personal word for our lives, that if we don’t do it, it feels like a heaviness on our hearts, like are we grieving the holy spirit and sinning against Him, if we don’t step into what He is guiding us to.
1550
Kristin's Entry
March 20, 2017
I was telling God this morning that He is the only one that can show J when is the right time for the ring and to take our relationship to the next level. I know I can’t do it and no one else can either…just God.
I feel God has helped me so much with being patient and remaining delighted in waiting. I understand that this is all God’s timing. What’s funny about me saying all this to God on THIS day, is that I saw a “1550” when I was at work, doing an amendment to a contract. This is not a number that I ever see up until now…when we start talking about engagement rings!
Later in the night, J tells me that the ring scripture that we came across a few weeks ago, mentions the stone of beryl in it. The type of stone I want is called morganite, which actually is beryl, but was renamed morganite!! It’s quite peculiar of the day that J discovered this little fact…the day I saw the “1550” when I was working. Exciting things keep happening when we see this number!!
A new number?! 2487
Kristin's Journal
March 31, 2017
I was driving to work today. I was behind license plate 4871. We actually ended slowing down because of a big truck making a turn. We slowed down almost to a stop. Because we were going so slow I noticed a sign on the side of the road with a phone number. 724-871-xxxx.
I then noticed that 4871 was also on the license plate in front of me.
How odd!!
Later on J was checking the amount of steps he had. The amount he had was 2487! How is that even possible??? We are both in awe!!
His Doubting Hurts
Kristin's Entry
April 1, 2017
I know that I’m ready to move forward with Jared. I don’t think it’s me trying to rush things either. I’m excited to move forward because of what God has shown us! I think it’s hard for me to wait because I truly think we are in God’s will and that He has showed us to go for it!
I was telling Jared that I think God has given His blessing of us multiple times by syncing-up our lives SO much! Not only has God synced-up our lives, but on top of that He has showed us multiple miracles, which to me, says “go for it”! I feel like the syncing-up of our lives are confirmations that God is well pleased with us, but the miracles to me say to take the next step. The miracles are the confirmation to me on moving forward. I can’t believe how many we’ve seen. Especially the 1550, and it’s beyond perfect timing! That one was specifically about rings, which would be the next “step” (2487)! I don’t understand how J doesn’t see it that way!? If God is already showing us miracles I’m not sure what Jared is expecting for God to show him to take that next step…more miracles? How many miracles?
I think in the past when I prayed about this, God showed me the story of Gideon. I came across a few interpretations of that story and they all said that Gideon was doubting. I feel this is a confirming from God about J doubting. This really hurts me. Jared said, “it’s not doubting it’s making sure your are hearing from God correctly”. I agree with this somewhat. After there have been multiple miracles it starts to look a lot like doubting to me.
J was saying he wants to be extra cautious, because of the sinful past life we each lived. If we were still worldly people I can absolutely understand where he is coming from, but we are far from worldly people anymore. I think Jared saying this has hurt me because in our past we both did not have God and now we do, and we have seen Him work in our lives more than we could have ever imagined! How can he even compare our past life apart from Christ, with what we are going though now with God. This all shows nothing but doubt to me.
I feel like God has shown us to go for it, but if Jared is doubting, who knows if he will ever pop the question. This makes me want to stay open to renting an apartment or buying a house of my own.
Kristin's Additional Notes
At the time, I was living with my mom, but I had saved up enough money to buy a home of my own, or to at least rent an apartment. However, with the hope to marry Jared, I put off these plans.
Waiting On the Lord - Marriage
Jared's Entry
April 1, 2017
I truly believe the Lord has led Kristin and I together as friends, in fellowship, in dating, and in marriage. We have had various tests and trials through this time together but every mountain has been removed so far. We have seen amazing miracles in our relationship and lives which God has done for us as a couple and I desire to have this kind of life with her.
I have faith in what God has shown me so far and my faith rests in Him, not in the current state of my life, the past, or the hopeful future that I have in marriage with K. My faith, hope, trust, and strength is in Him and in nothing else. We are at a point now where I feel we are both being tested and it is not easy. We have an opportunity to honor God and wait and also see what is in each other’s hearts as we wait. A place where we have to wait on Him for continued leading in moving forward even though He has confirmed our relationship so many times to me directly and to us.
This morning the Lord showed me 325 and 919 after praying about this. I think the message is clear:
I have placed you both here; now wait. I have a work in progress, do not avoid it but learn and trust. You must wait for my best gifts. Continue to die to self and learn of My ways.
Deuteronomy 8:2-7 NASBS[2] You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. [3] He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD. [4] Your clothing did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. [5] Thus you are to know in your heart that the LORD your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son. [6] Therefore, you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. [7] For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land…
1 Peter 3:13-18 NIV[13] Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? [14] But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats ; do not be frightened.” [15] But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, [16] keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. [17] For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. [18] For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit.
Numbers 9:19 NIV[19] When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the Lord’s order and did not set out.
Lamentations 3:25-26 NASBS[25] The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. [26] It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the LORD.
Psalm 37:3-7 NASBS[3] Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. [4] Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. [5] Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. [6] He will bring forth your righteousness as the light And your judgment as the noonday. [7] Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
James 1:12 NIV[12] Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
Genesis 22:1 NIV[1] Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”
James 1:2-3 NIV[2] Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, [3] because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
James 5:11 NIV[11] As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
Job 14:14-17 NIV[14] If someone dies, will they live again? All the days of my hard service I will wait for my renewal to come. [15] You will call and I will answer you; you will long for the creature your hands have made. [16] Surely then you will count my steps but not keep track of my sin. [17] My offenses will be sealed up in a bag; you will cover over my sin.
Marriage Scriptures and Principles
Jared's Entry
April 2, 2017
The first miracle was at a marriage/wedding feast: John 2:1
Marriage bed should be undefiled: Heb 13:4
1 Peter 3:
- Wives submit to your husbands and have good conduct
- Wives have chaste conduct
- Adornment not only outward, but in the hidden person of the heart.
- Gentle and quiet spirit which is precious to God
- Husbands be understanding, giving honor to your wife, treating her carefully as a weaker vessel, Being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers will not be hindered
1 Peter 3:7 NASBS[7] You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
3:7 When Peter says that women may be “weaker” than men, he was not implying moral or intellectual inferiority, but was recognizing women’s physical limitations. Women in his day, if unprotected by men, were vulnerable to attack, abuse, and financial disaster. Women’s lives may be easier today, but women are still vulnerable to criminal attack and family abuse. And in spite of increased opportunities in the workplace, many women still earn less than men, and the vast majority of the nations’ poor are single mothers and their children. A man who honors his wife as a member of the weaker sex will protect, respect, help, and stay with her. He will not expect her to work full-time outside the home and full-time at home; he will lighten her load wherever he can. He will be sensitive to her needs, and he will relate to her with courtesy, consideration, insight, and tact.
3:7 If a man is not considerate and respectful of his wife, his prayers will not be heard, because a living relationship with God depends on right relationships with others. Jesus said that if you have a problem with a fellow believer, you must make it right with that person before coming to worship (Matthew 5:23, 24). This principle carries over into family relationships. If men use their position to mistreat their wives, their prayers will be hindered.
Learning Contentment
Kristin's Entry
April 9, 2017
When J pulled into my drive way at my house, he thought of the number “411”. When he came down to see me I showed him my devotion I was reading.
Both were Philippians 4:11.
Perhaps I need to learn contentment in the waiting, even if J is doubting at all!
Wonderful day with K sharing about how God wants us to be with each other
Jared's Entry
April 9, 2017
On our way to the park we got an 828 and 224 at the same exact time!
We discussed what it mean to lead in love and to be submissive in love.
After our walk there was a 128 parked next to me.
At the sonic that we stopped at after there was a 1550 and 923!!!
Told my family that I got K a ring
Jared's Entry
April 14, 2017
God has confirmed many times and recently shown me 224 and even 1550.
This morning again with 1288 and a 411. I didn’t even realize that 1288 means blessed!
Amazingly Insync
Kristin's Entry
April 20, 2017
The impossible happened today. I read my devotional as always in the morning. I was very surprised to find that the devotional was not about waiting on God, but about over waiting on God. I studied some of the examples of over waiting – one of them was in exodus when the cloud of God moves from before the Israelites to behind them when Moses split the Red Sea. I found the cloud absolutely fascinating. I wanted to tell J, but at the same time I didn’t. “The cloud” to J symbolizes to him “to wait”.
Since I’m impatient, I feared that if I shared about the blessing of this bible study, that his take-away from it would be a confirmation to keep waiting!
However, I ended up telling him about my exciting bible study, because I really wanted to tell him; and who cares about waiting because it’s God’s timing anyways. I also realized that by not telling him, it is similar to me trying to manipulate things; and I can’t do that. It would actually be very hypocritical to say “God’s timing, but then I try to manipulate things in a small way by with holding something I feel excited to share and also led to share with him. This also would not be putting the scripture into practice of Philippians 4:11 about contentment, that God showed me the other day!!
When I told him he was in complete shock because his devotion was about the exact same thing!! About moving forward. This is an absolute miracle because when I read my devotional I’m actually still in January’s readings, because when I read any book I don’t feel right about skipping over pages just to be on track for the “right day”, according to the book’s devotional date. J however is on track with the correct day within the devotion that he receives via email. What the chances that our devotionals would be so similar?!
Wow! Ring confirmation again!
Jared’s Entry
April 26, 2017
K and I have been having some real difficulties and dealing with our own worries, selfishness, and issues. These have lately been causing some issues between us when they have never done so in the past.
I feel this is truly an example of how our relationship would be if we do not walk in the Spirit. If we operate, judge, and live according to the flesh, our relationship and fellowship with God and each other will be hindered.
After a tough day, K and I parted ways and I just prayed and asked for help. I shared with my dad what was going on and told him I thought we were being tested. I told him how I thought God had said to move forward so I bought a ring already. I was trying not to doubt, and I still had peace.
We decided to get dinner and as soon as we left I saw this near my house!!
Old Ways
Kristin's Entry
A lot of the times I wants to treat things the old way I use to treat things. I think about saying the things I would have said before Christ: “I’m done”, “this isn’t working” ” I’m not dealing with this” “whatever” “I don’t care”. I know that the fact that I’m even making conversation after an argument is a big deal. I wouldn’t have done that before. I would have already gave up if God didn’t confirm everything for me. The fact that He confirmed us as a couple is what kept me from walking away at times. Things definitely would have been handled differently if it wasn’t for the confirmation of moving forward.
I got this much earlier today too. I got two 1571’s. Which means purge out and this lead me to this scripture:
1 Corinthians 5:7 Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch– as you really are
After the struggles from today, God is right on tonight. A lot of times I do feel a certain way, but in need to stop acting on those negative feelings. I realize I do have more self control over them than before in the past, but I still need help in acting lovingly rather then the way I feel.
My old reactions to negative feelings or situations is the old yeast that I need to purge out. I cannot be made new if I keep acting my old ways.
We are struggling
Kristin’s Entry
April 27, 2017
Ever since we’ve gotten the answer to move forward, we have been struggling. What’s weird is that God is still showing us the same scriptures about moving forward. J got it in a devotion today.
Also, last night he got a 1550 (ring) too.
And now today, I read the perfect devotional that I feel relates so much! It’s about David finally becoming king (2 Samuel 5), but how he also had more battles to fight. It talks about how David had to wait for a while before becoming king. And now just because the wait is over, it doesn’t mean that his battles are over.
It said that as we keep fighting the battles, that it’s easy to feel worn-out and tired, but we must remain faithful to God, as God remains faithful to us!
It also gave some encouraging scriptures:
“The one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4b).
“Everyone born of God overcomes the world” (1 John 5:4a).
“The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:56-57).
I thought this was so amazing because I was just praying how I have felt completely defeated with my relationship with J. So much so that I really wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to get married period. I know there will be times in marriage that will be hard because neither of us is perfect. Am I willing to have this type of hard in my life?
I feel so encouraged by all this. I know God will help us in the challenges of the future because I see Him helping us already.
Kristin’s Additional Notes 9/27/2022:
Our relationship is the best its ever been even after 5 years of marriage. We both as individuals have only grown in grace. I honestly feel like the hardest time in our relationship was probably when we were dating because we were both immature in our faith. Also, for the first time in my life, I was learning and growing the fruit of self control over my many feelings and learning to trust him and God.
These days, there is less of the flesh and it truly does help make the relationship a delight. In saying that I’m not saying we’re perfect by any means, but when talking to others about relationships, I don’t think its anything like your average relationship either. God truly has given us a good gift in one another.
Ordered my Wedding Dress
Kristin’s Entry
April 28, 2017
J hasn’t proposed yet, but in faith I’ve ordered several dresses to try on. I will pick one and return the rest!
Kristin’s additional notes 10/5/2022:
I didn’t journal this, but I do remember being encouraged to buy a dress despite some of the struggles we were having, as you can see in the previous journal entry. I bought my wedding dress in faith not knowing if he bought a ring yet and not knowing if all our struggles were going to work themselves out. But I moved forward in faith simply because of God’s encouragement to keep moving forward. This is the opposite of just winging it or moving forward in blind-faith.
So Busy
Kristin’s Entry
May 7, 2017
This weekend was non-stop! I have not even spent a minute with God the whole weekend, which has felt really bad!
On my way to the baptism this morning I was actually starting to feel pretty grieved about this.
While at church there was so many people coming up to Jared and I knew we were getting out of there anytime soon. We spent about 45 minutes to an hour just talking to people after. At first I didn’t mind it, but then it started bothering me because I had somewhere to be soon and It felt like Jared was being inconsiderate of my plans.
When we finally did get back to his house we ended up in a quarrel. I ended up leaving to go celebrate Kylie’s birthday; and me and J were not on the greatest terms. I prayed in the car a bit, but I know I needed more time alone with God desperately. After Kylie’s it was off to the Bible study with the girls.
I got home and I planned to not talk to J right away even though things were left bad. It’s just not what I felt was the right thing to do because I needed time to pour my heart out to God, and I didn’t feel bad about not taking to him either. I wasn’t sure if I should feel bad about not wanting to talk to him tonight or not. I just wanted time with God. Sure enough God confirmed not talking is exactly what God wants for me. I haven’t even read my devotional when I woke up his weekend! And this is right where I left off… perfect timing! It’s like God knew that this weekend would be stressful and that I wouldn’t read my devotional all weekend. He had THIS devotional planned for THIS day all along! I needed this!
Kristin’s Additional Notes 10/5/2022:
I know some people would say you need to fix your problems with a person asap, but what I have found throughout the years, is that it’s ok to take the time to process things alone with God, before going and trying to “fix” things. We all need God’s wisdom first before trying to fix things in our own strength.
When I don’t pour it all out to God first, instead what I find is that:
I can’t process things well,
I cant find His wisdom,
I lack the fruit of self control, which means I might say things I don’t mean.
I make the situation worse, rather than helping it.
Go to God first. If you’re the kind of person who is slower at processing things, your spouse might need to be patient with you and give you space to process and pray it out.
Really bad attacks
Kristin’s Entry
June 9, 2017
I started to really condemn myself of my past and began to doubt if I have truly repented of my sins.
Part of me knew that these thoughts I was having were silly, because I know what God is doing in my life and I have seen good fruitful changes in my life. However, condemning thoughts were still coming into my mind about my past relationship. I felt so confused by these thoughts, when I know the facts of what God has changed in my life and heart.
I prayed that I would stop thinking like this.
I decided I really needed to fast! I decided that the next day I would, so I did.
Throughout the next day, I still got attacked. All of the condemnation I was feeling seemed to fog the truth of what I knew of God working in my life, and I began to even doubt my relationship with Jared. Perhaps God did not put us together.
I surrendered J over and over again and asked God to show me a very clear confirmation that we should not be together.
I ended up going home that night. I prayed and then read a book that was delivered today. It’s called It Happened by Design. Its a book of “Godincidences”. This book is compiled of people’s testimonies of God reveling himself in the details and “coincidences” of people’s lives.
The book had some really peculiar coincidences in it for me! One was about a girl who was adopted who found her parents. I’m always fascinated to hear of other adoption stories because I’m adopted!
Another was about a guy who went to IKEA to get a bed (exactly like J buying a bed at IKEA). I thought the title of both of them were really personal to me also. My middle name is Hope, which was the title of the adoption story, and me and J always talk about our pilgrimage journey.
I also read exodus 14:14 twice, which has become a very significant scripture to Jared and I about moving forward in our relationship.
After reading these few things, I only felt like God is continuing to encourage our relationship and the enemy is trying discourage it with condemnation, so we wont feel freedom from our past sins, which ultimately won’t allow us to move forward into freedom with Christ and freedom into a new relationship that has been blessed by God.
I realized there are some new things in my life that have started to bring much more freedom to my heart and conscious, and I know the enemy hates that. Finding more and more freedom will only encourage me to keep moving forward in my relationship with Jared and more importantly with God.
The Next Chapter of our life
Kristin’s Entry
June 16, 2017
Jared finally proposed! It was wonderful and we are super excited. I was nervous to tell certain people though because I know the way they think and I know they are going to think it’s too fast.
My mom was talking about how her friend is moving and she was telling her friend this is going to be the next chapter of your life. Her friend got really excited because she was just thinking that exact thought before coming into work and talking to my mom.
My mom told me this story and then we watched the movie Lion. At some point in the movie (I think when he was being told about getting adopted) the main character Saloo was told he will be entering the next chapter of his life. There it was again. The timing of hearing that phrase is right on target for me.
Moving Forward - The New Floor
Kristin’s Entry
June 25, 2017
J got a new floor and he was beginning the process of tearing out the old floor, so he can install the new. I came over in the process of him finishing-up tearing out the old.
When I arrived he was no where to be found. And in silence my thoughts collected.
With the carpet no longer there, I was there by myself in a room that looked completely foreign to me. The thought suddenly occurred to me that he’s done this before with her (his ex), and this is what the house looked like when he originally bought this house with her. This is what the house looked like when he started his life with her.
Ugh, why did I have this thought?! Where did it come from?
I wanted our lives together to be like a new creation in every way, but this wasn’t “new” I thought to myself. This is just repeating what he did with her. Maybe we should have just bought a new house together instead. These thoughts brought me down real quick and took the joy of us moving forward right out of me.
Kristin’s Additional Notes 10/5/2022:
Although I didn’t know we would be moving shortly after getting married, God did know! He also knew that He would uses these current challenging thoughts in my mind, which also seeped into my heart, as a way to grow me. And when we finally did move, it wasn’t because we were running from our past and trying to forget it all. We moved out of obedience to Him and with freedom from our past.
I didn’t journal all the details of this, I did get past this and moved on with contentment of our sinful past life. We find contentment because we absolutely know that God has used the bad and molded into something good. He has Romans 8:28ed it all!
It’s been a journey of God needing to help me to learn to take my thoughts captive, and allowing Him to renew the way that I think.
God makes life with Him so exciting that I have forgotten that some of these things were even a problem. I have grown more excited with how He’s helped me through my trials, that it no longer is something that bothers me. Or I have been so excited about what He’s doing in my life that the past sins seem so small, and I have truly started to see Him as so much bigger than it all. He has helped me find freedom from the past (Jared and mine) as I have kept my eyes on Him and grow in deeper relationship with Him.
We will be sharing more about the early months of our marriage – some struggles, but also many blessings. We will share how He has helped us learn some very foundational marriage lessons that we apply to our lives even today.
Where, When and How?
Kristin's Journal
June 28, 2017
Me and J want to elope ultimately in Hawaii. However we are praying about this and seeing if this is ok with God.
I read a certain devotional today, which I haven’t read in a while. When I read it today it had to do with Ruth wanting to be Boaz’s wife.
The devotion was sharing about how Naomi gave a wise word to Ruth about waiting – Ruth 3:18 – and how Ruth listened to her instruction. God too also gives us instructions and it is wise to listen.
God’s Instructions:
Psalm 27:14 instructs us to: “be strong.”
Psalm 130:5-6 instructs us to: “have hope.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 instructs us to: “trust.”
and of course there is so much more…
Kristin's Additional Notes 10/6/2022
Surprisingly, I didn’t journal about this, but Jared and I didn’t want to have a traditional wedding. One reason was because we’ve both done that before. Another, was because we actually wanted this wedding to be about us and the Lord. A lot of the times weddings aren’t completely about the marriage. They are about marriage, and about making the guests happy, and about the party, the dress, the decorations. These other things just felt like a distraction away from the true meaning of marriage.
It Arrived
Kristin's Journal
July 15, 2017
I was in my room wondering if remarriage was really the best thing for me. I’ve just been struggling in general, but I know that some one my general struggles started affecting my relationship. I started having doubts about Jared and I. I started having thoughts that it’s easier to be alone. I can be alone. Then all I have to worry about is me. About 10 mins later there was a knock at the door….it was his ring.
Also my journal from a year ago was about me wondering if I would ever be able to remarry again. Such odd timing.
I really think all these thoughts were from the enemy.
Kristin's Additional Notes
Looking back at this journal entry makes me laugh….”Then all I have to worry about is me”. Oh, the struggle with selfishness and my flesh! Sounds like I was really struggling to take up my cross with something. Not sure what it was, but I do know it has all been worth it! The blessing of marrying Jared have been a hundredfold.
2 Corinthians 4:17
Our temporary minor problems are producing an eternal stockpile of glory for us that is beyond all comparison. (in heaven especially, but also in our marriage)
I Don't Deserve God's Love
Kristin's Entry
July 16, 2017
The the next day after getting his ring in the mail, I read my devotion called Streams in The Deseret….and there it was Exodus 14:15 – “the move forward” scripture! Just in time when I needed it after my struggle yesterday. Even after getting this devotion I still struggled and got irritated with him over something stupid. I felt the ugliness rise up in me and was so bothered this. Because of this ugliness that rose up in my heart, I doubted again if we should get married!
I went home and prayed. I then turned on a movie that my mom had mentioned to me. She didn’t share much about it, just that I would probably like it. So I watched it.
The movie is about a girl who never kissed a boy until the day of her wedding. Of course it reminded me of J and myself, because we decided not to kiss until the day of our wedding.
I decided to buy the movie cause I loved it so much. I pulled it up on Amazon and the price of the movie was 828! And as I was pulling up the movie to buy it, I was at the scene of the boy asking the dad for his hand in marriage! I balled my eyes out cause I knew this was God. I know I don’t deserve God’s attention after all my doubting and ugliness in my heart, but He still gives me His love and attention. He still sees me and hears me even in all my struggles.
Kristin's Additional Notes
828 is a special number because our big day was coming up to be married — August 28th, 8/28.
It’s also a special number to us because of Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.
Exodus 14:15
Then the LORD said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to Me? Tell the Israelites to go forward.
Father has confirmed our date and my wife!!! - engagement to marriage
Jared's Entry
July 17, 2017
We got our marriage license today and walked in faith that He alone has led us here!! We got the license, all went very well, and when we left the first car we see has 828, which is not only a confirmation that He will use this for good (Romans 8:28) but it is our planned wedding date! The date 8/28 seemed to just fit and we stepped in faith to book this date as our official wedding date.
We saw two 1550 as well after this.
Also, how peculiar “3WE” – Jesus, Jared and Kristin!!
Kristin’s Additional Notes 10/6/2022:
Although we had our license, Jared and I did not consider this our wedding date. We still stayed in separate houses, did not do sleep overs and did not kiss! Our wedding date is 8/28/17, when we said our vows under GOD. Thus I put this journal entry in this section – courting to engagement.
What's Next?
I said this above, but I’ll say it again because I think its a good way to end this section:
We will be sharing more about the early months of our marriage – some struggles, but also many blessings. We will share how God has helped us learn some very foundational marriage lessons that we apply to our lives even today.
We will also share some pics of the big day!
Thanks for Joining the Journey at the Pilgrimage Way!
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These journal entries and the scriptures you’ve written of how God guided and worked in both of your journeys regarding your early days of courtship to engagement has been encouraging and a comfort to me. It’s encouraging because your entries were somewhat relative to what I am experiencing currently in my walk with God. Albeit it’s not on marriage (because I’m single) but it relates to the trials and tests I am and have been experiencing at home and at work.
It’s also a comfort because I’m not alone in my struggles and that as God has been working with your past lives, your hearts and becoming a new creation in Christ so it is and will be for me or for anyone who love and obey God wholeheartedly. I can truly see that the principles of God’s Word such as waiting, persevering, trusting God despite doubts, contentment, standing firm against the attacks of Satan, not having my emotions dictate my actions and many more from your journal entries are the same things I perceive in my walk with God even if the circumstance are different.
Come to think of it now, I was just looking over to my email of when you sent this post to me and it was on 7 Oct 2022 11:02 am my time and date here in Australia. Therefore I said to myself how long has it been since you emailed this post out from that day to today because since it came out I wasn’t able to read the whole post. I’ve only read an excerpt of it from my email but not the whole post on this website. (And perhaps the discouraging thoughts from Satan has kept me from reading your post but then the Lord has been gracious to use that situation and turn it into good where I am able to read it tonight and Im greatly encouraged in the end!)
So I looked at my calendar and the day for me here is 28 Oct and your post was on 7 Oct. Therefore there has been a 21 day gap. I started to wonder about a 21 days from the book of Daniel and sure enough (my heart skipped a beat seeing this) it does mention a 21 days in Daniel 10:13.
You might be wondering why this is significant for me. Well, from the end of September and in these past three weeks of October I have been under heavy attack from Satan. Also, just now I was looking over my Journal entries specifically for the day of 7 Oct three weeks ago and I have written an entry on that day at 18:17 pm. (I think I started reading your post above roughly around the same time at 6 pm tonight while I was just finishing my dinner at the table).
The journal entry’s title is “More deeper and painful trials that are bringing my spirit low before Father” and it was about how I was becoming really discouraged from the challenges at work, at home and just the darkness all around me even at times doubting if God ever see or hear what I was going through. At that time and for these past few weeks I did not realise that Satan has been attacking my mind with discouraging thoughts until the Lord finally open my eyes to see the evil schemes of the enemy. I praise God greatly for opening my eyes to see the attacks of the devil despite how slow I was to perceive it at first. God has surely been gracious and I immensely thank Him for being patient with such a fragile clay pot that I am..
Moreover, I not only read Daniel 10:13 but I also read the whole chapter as well. This too was encouraging for me tonight because Daniel had a vision from God about “times of war and great hardship” in verse 1. I know the vision would be about the kingdoms of this world from Daniel’s time which were Babylon, Persia, Greece, etc. But I know deep in my spirit and together with the Spirit of God in my heart this is about all hardships and wars especially in the “spiritual” sense of it throughout all generations.
Daniel also mentioned that he mourned “for three whole weeks” verse 2 and I can somehow resonate with that because I have been in deep anguish in my spirit these past three weeks. Many times I was reminded of the scripture in Psalm 42:6, 7 especially verse 7 which is “Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and breakers have swept over over me.”
Then verses 12 and 13 of Daniel 10 is where I was in awe by God’s timing because the time I’ve seen your post on 7 Oct and have now read the whole post tonight was 21 days later. Therefore, I can sense that God is saying to me I have heard you, I have seen what you have been going through and have not ignored your prayers. And just like “the man” (perhaps the Lord Jesus who is the Son of Man?) who was speaking to Daniel that he was blocked by “the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia” for 21 days so it was in someway similar for me. Even verse 19 is a comforting word from God to not be afraid and to say that each of us who are His are precious in His sight. To be at peace, “be encouraged, be strong!”.
There is so much more that God has been showing for the past hour or so tonight such as how I’ve written notes on the 7 Oct devotional for morning and evening in Streams in the Desert where one of them says that ” times of darkness comes to a faithful and believing disciple who is walking obediently in the will of God.” And even in my Journal entry I have mentioned the fact that I was contemplating of leaving my current work by the end of the 6th month but couldn’t because all of a sudden someone who recently started work have left and another left to see a family overseas for two months. Thus, I couldn’t just up and go when there was a few of us workers left and if I’ve left that time I might make matters worse.
Furthermore, as I stayed back and not left, the situation at work has been tense regarding with my co-workers in those weeks and still here and there. Adding to that was also the difficulties I was having at home til now where Satan would just use those who are close to me to irritate and frustrate me. As I recount in my entry “The enemy is hitting me while I am already down or disheartened.”
However, by the end of this journal entry of 7 Oct 2022, I wrote that perhaps God was “bringing me to the end of myself” and “wholly trust Him increasingly. Therefore, may He comfort me in my distresses and He surely has been and is now.”
I know that we all be continually experiencing hardships and spiritual wars in this life and yet as you wrote in your journal entries there are blessings to be received if we persevere, humble ourselves and trust God in the dark and His promises or Word to be fulfilled in His timing in our lives.
Father in heaven, give us the strength and grace to continue holding unto You when everything around us if falling apart. In Jesus’s name. Amen.
I’m sorry for a such a long comment. And I am thankful toward God in my heart for having me read this post of yours sister Kristin in such a timely manner. God bless and looking forward to reading your next post ?