I didn’t realize how long I thought of adoption until looking back in my journal entries. It’s been since 2016, that God has been putting this on my heart. However, at the time of 2016 I wasn’t sure if adoption was something I just desired to do, or if it was God putting this on my heart. Rather than trying to make this desire come to life in my own strength, I embraced what I knew God absolutely was doing during that present time—our pilgrimage that started as a friendship, grew into marriage. For the time being, thinking of kids was put aside.
Soon after marriage, God was speaking loud and clear in regards to moving. He opened up many doors for us and we had to learn to hear His voice over many other voices, in order to know which doors to walk through. He provided in ways that was beyond my understanding, as we continued taking steps in faith.
After we moved several times and began living in a tiny house, we had conversations questioning if we would live in our tiny house indefinitely; and if it was indefinitely, we figured we probably won’t ever have kids. At this point, having kids wasn’t just put aside, but it was surrendered. Even though tiny house living felt like a struggle some days, we still had contentment in our hearts, because we knew we were exactly where God placed us. His divine way of leading us to this particular lot for our house, made us sure of it. Sometimes we had to remind ourselves of that amazing story to be encouraged. We were also surrendered to stay there if that’s what we should do.
But slowly over time, things shifted from focusing on moving, to focusing on dwelling in the town He led us to.
Just like Abraham, we moved by faith, and now we needed to learn to dwell by faith, which included moving into a fixated house that can’t drive-off on wheels 
. On a particularly hard day to live in a tiny house, the cry of my heart in prayer was “this place is too small”. Soon after praying, I began my bible study in Isaiah. For some odd reason, I thought I left off on chapter 49. When I got to verse 20, I could hardly believe me eyes. Isaiah 49:20, says ”this place is too small”. This is the exact burden that was on my heart moments ago! I was dumbfounded and began praising God for hearing my cry. Shortly after my praise to Him, I realized that I was actually reading the wrong chapter. I suddenly remembered that I should be reading Isaiah 54. This chapter is where I actually left off in my bible study from the day before. I flipped there and began reading. Once again, God took my breath away when I read Isaiah 54:2, which says “expand the place of your tent”! I was led to these scriptures at almost the exact same time, and it blew my mind. These scripture paired together spoke directly into my specific situation and feelings I was battling in my heart and mind. I don’t know why, but I never told Jared of this amazing way God spoke to me until weeks later. I found out that he also was led to Isaiah 54:2. God spoke to us both individually and uniquely. We knew we were in sync and that God was going to begin guiding us in a new direction.
Here is a journal entry in July 2020, where the seed of adoption beings to resurface back into our minds. Buying a house and researching about adoption became the new focus.
Car accident and a baby – July 2020
For the last couple days its been on our mind about buying a bigger house because it’s possible that God might be leading us to adopt. What’s crazy is that on our way back home today we got stuck behind a car that was swerving all over the place. He went around a bend and then was out of sight for a moment. I didn’t understand what was going on until we saw that he crashed into a tree. We realized that the guy was drunk. His car somehow became stuck on a part of the tree, which prohibited him from driving away quickly. We pulled over right away to see if they were ok. They refused to talk to us. We pulled aside because we didn’t feel right about leaving.
As we pulled over, there was also another couple who stopped because they also saw the accident. They told us they called 911, because they knew right away that the driver was drunk.
Soon after, we saw a woman step out of the passenger side to get her hysterically crying baby. Jared and I were deeply sad to see the baby in the back.
Eventually the drunk driver freed his truck and drove off in his unstable condition, with a crying baby. The other couple turned around and followed this guy. With the other couple following after the drunk driver and the cops on the way, we were unsure of what else we can do. We took a moment to pray and remembering the power of God to keep everyone safe, especially the baby.
We felt horrible for the baby and I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if the cops track him down. Will the baby end up in foster care system because of the unfit parents and possibly dangerous environment to raise a child? How odd to see this situation right in front of our eyes take place. This is definitely one of the ways kids get put into the system. And here we are wondering if God is leading us to adopt. It’s been up for discussion for the last few days. Is God really leading us to do this? Is this part of the reason He is also leading us to move?
As time allows, we hope to share more of how God has put it on our hearts, confirmed the steps to take, bought/prepared our home, and getting our foster-to-adopt license! There is so much in our journals of this journey and how he’s been working in on hearts through it all!
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